Let’s get real for a moment, shall we? There comes a time when a woman loses interest in her husband. Life and love is no way near exhilarating as we see in romcoms or as Hollywood tends to make us believe. And, thanks to Netflix’ record-breaking series ‘Bridgerton’ we’ve all had our fair share of fantasies about the one we love, wishing there are no low moments.
You would wish you could maintain an eternal life of laughter and bliss with your man or woman; sadly, this is not the case. Though you don’t feel the butterflies fluttering in your tummy anymore when your husband approaches, it does not signify the complete absence of love. The question remains, how do people seemingly move from the peaks of the awesomeness of enjoying each other’s company to the depths of not being able to stand the sight of each other? This post will walk you through some symptoms and steps to nip the loss of interest in the bud.
Some symptoms are obvious, and some are not. They are like the signs of seasonal changes except that with human relationships if these signs are ignored the relationship may crumble like a cube of sugar soaking up tea. However, suppose you can spot these signs early and act on them? In that case, these signs’ appearance need not be the beginning of the relationship’s end.
This post is for men wondering why their wives no longer warm up to them like they used to. It is also for women trying to figure out where and when it all started to change. So, without further delay, because time is ticking, here are 4 main reasons women lose interest in their men and the 4 things you can do about it now.
1. Work Pressure:
Women face all kinds of pressure to juggle a career with family life at mostly disproportionate levels compared to men. It becomes a lot more unbearable when the men in their lives are oblivious of this and do not offer her support nor show appreciation. The men on their part may argue they face similar pressures. But this does not help. As a man, arguing about how much you do at work to provide for the woman and the home simply won’t cut it. Have you heard the phrase “a gentle answer turns away wrath”?
A closer look into how work pressure creeps into your love life reveals how work or the need to make money shifts your attention from your values as a couple. It makes you forget what you both agreed happiness looked like. Remember earlier in your relationship when you were simply content being there for each other? You and your partner had each other’s back then, and you should have each other’s back now.
What to do:
Take a deliberate break and talk. Remove yourselves from the source of pressure and look at it from the outside. Work together on work-related pressures. Why is work stressing you out, how is it impacting your family life, and what can both of you do about it? A problem shared is a problem half solved. Describe what happiness looks like to you in the here and now. Set your values and commit to them. It requires discipline; it requires work, which makes it rewarding in the long run.
2. Excessive focus on happiness:
Yep, you read that right. “I’m doing this for you and us” is often a statement used to mask selfish motivations. If you are honest, it’s a lot more about you than it is for us. And the more you go down this path in the pursuit of happiness, the more elusive happiness becomes. In the book ‘Man’s search for Meaning’, the author Viktor Frankl noted that happiness like success cannot be pursued. Instead, it must follow because of being selfless. As in life, the way to find meaning and happiness in your relationship is to go beyond thinking of how to gratify yourself. Think more about things you can do to make your spouse happy every day.
What to do:
Be helpful. Help your woman out with really practical things. If she sees that you’ve had a hard day, but you still go ahead to help with chores around the house, it will go a long way to show that you care and you don’t just think about yourself. Doing the dishes or giving her a feet rub are easy things to start with. If she’s come home late, give her a good welcome, get a meal or bath ready for her. Switch things up with small, pleasant surprises like sorting out an area of the house she’s been trying to sort out but couldn’t quite get round to doing. Being helpful is being selfless.
3. Switching off after sex:
Your woman is not merely an object of relief. Rolling away and sleeping off or going to do other business immediately after getting intimate is a no-no. It is one of the fastest ways to lose your wife’s interest. Meaningful sex does not start and end with the act itself. A lot of women feel used and disrespected by men who do this. There must be a build-up before, and you must continue to savor the moment after. This is much more than an activity; it is a commitment to each other that goes deeper than the physical sensations. You are giving yourselves to each other, and as a result, your aim should be to please your spouse. In seeking to please your spouse, you will gain the ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
What to do:
Don’t be in a hurry. Be sure to be mindful that you are fully committing to the time to hold and talk to your spouse after sex. Don’t rush off to sort other business or sleep because you need to wake up early. The only exception is that it was jointly agreed. Did I also mention it’s crucial you also talk during the act? You both must know what is working and what is not. If you do this, you will find that future sessions will only get better.
4. You’ve stopped talking:
This is probably where a lot of loss of interest comes from. Why does this happen? I guess it’s because you unconsciously destroyed your ‘safe space’. The safe space is where you can talk to each other free from shame, free from the fear of judgement, free from the fear of lynching by the one you love. This happens through an angry response, a lapse in judgement, and the absence of an apology when it was due. When you stop talking, you also give room for doubt. Misunderstandings are a normal part of relationships; it is how you know and draw boundaries in and around your relationship.
Misunderstandings in relationships can be healthy as long as you agree on how to resolve them and resolve them you must. Healthy relationships are built on layers of misunderstandings that have been fixed such that it has now yielded trust. I refer to the kind of trust that gives you the confidence and peace of mind to live with your spouse’s strengths and weakness.
What to do:
Commit to Honesty. Be honest about your feelings and allow yourselves to talk about them. Take issues as a common challenge because they are as long as you are together. Talk about work, finance, children, family, dreams and aspirations together. Make decisions together. Agree on them. Be your spouse’s safe space where she can run to when life gets a little bit rough.
So, there you are guys. Your relationship is worth investing in. Lots of people out there have made theirs work. You can make yours work and love it too. Your relationship will evolve as you grow together, so please don’t feel bad if you can’t do some of the things you used to as much as you used to. When you get to this point, find new things to do and new ways of doing things together. In life and love “when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
You probably have other symptoms and tips to add to this list. Let’s have them. Help a brother and a sister out. I wish you all happiness in your relationships.