Are you a parent looking for the best approach to help your children grow and permissive parenting is the first priority? If yes, then there are several things that you need to know. The reality of the matter is that there’s no single approach to parenting. Although you may have heard a lot of negative remarks concerning permissive parenting, there are some situation where it can be effective. Those that are in support for this parenting style say that permissive parents are less demanding than they are responsive. These are the parents that will always avoid confrontations with their children, they also do not require mature behavior and are nontraditional and lenient.
Permissive parenting definition
In simple terms, it is defined as an approach to parenting that is characterized by high responsiveness and low demands. This parenting model is sometimes known as permissive indulgent parenting. In their own world, parents seem to have few rules and guidelines yet they maintain that strong connection with their children. In most of the situations, they don’t expect too much from their children.
Permissive parents give their children enough time to grow without having to force any behavior. In fact permissive parents don’t expect their children to behave maturely. They will at all cost put down their parental role and get down to the kid’s level. What this means is that parents in this situation tend to be more of a friend than a parental figure. Instead of wasting a lot of time hovering over their children’s every move, they give them whole freedom. Their children have all the freedom to do what they think is right and will not at all costs be offending the parents. They rarely enforce any rule or even make their children do anything forcefully.
How does permissive parenting affect the child?
The fact is permissive parents make little or no attempts to control the life of their children. However, children raised from permissive parents tend to have issues with self-control and self-regulation. There are some of the researchers who think that the ‘’careless’’ way of parenting by permissive parents has some negative impacts to the children as they grow up. They claim that children raised by these kind of parents are disrespectful and will at all times possess poor social skills. They may also be self-involved and demanding. In other situations, these children may feel insecure and out of control due to lack of guidance and boundaries.
At this point in time, I have to talk about the negative impacts that permissive parenting has on the children. As I had already stated above, children raised this way have a lot of freedom. They are also left to decide on every situation. Their parents will not have a lot of time following their child’s every move. For this reason, the child will be affected in the following ways.
- Low achievements in many areas-as mentioned earlier, permissive parents don’t expect so much from their children. For this reason, children will not show any effort or even perform to the best of their ability. Actually, they have nothing to strive towards because their parents don’t expect anything. There are some studies that have claims that children raised by permissive parents perform poorly in their academics.
- Poor decision making-These children will always get into trouble for not making the best decision. Their parents don’t enforce or even set any rules for them. Consequently, these children will grow with nothing to fear in mind. They will not be able to make the right decisions because they were given enough time to develop this skill on their own.
- Poor time and habits management-Their homes don’t have any rules or structure. For this reason, these kids will never learn limits. Children will always spend a lot of their time watching TVs, playing computer games and eating. What this means is that children will never manage their time or their habits.
- They are aggressive-Children raised by permissive parents will never learn to deal with their emotions effectively. A good example is when your daughter expected a Christmas gift from you but you turn on empty handled. She will not be able to control herself because nature taught her otherwise. On the other hand, these children may have a hard time dealing with their stress and emotionally difficult situations.
Examples of Permissive parenting
If you are looking for some examples of permissive parenting, then don’t take it too far. Just look around you and take a closer observation. If you are very keen, I don’t have any doubts because am sure you will be able to spot a couple of them. All the examples that we will provide at this point are the ones you already know but don’t realize that they are actually traits of permissive parenting.
Even if you visited a family of permissive parents, you will be able to detect from the door that there’s something lacking. The children will have a lot of power and will not even care whether their deeds pose any externality to their neighbors. In such regard, the child will skip school and take more hours in their bed. If you notice that the child wants to eat too much and at the same time watch their favorite movie or even play computer games, then this is another trait of this type of parenting. If you notice any of the above, then am sure that you will be struggling to laugh. However, this is a problem that cannot be resolved easily.
Parents trying to use bribe to manipulate their children’s behavior
Watch out if the parent will have to bribe the children for them to perform specific tasks. You may be able to detect any of the followings.
‘’Hi sweetie, don’t cry, I will give you a balloon’’.
‘’be nice to our visitor and I will buy you ice-cream’’
Don’t fight with your friends and I will buy you a new book’’
If you notice any kind of bribing in regard to convince the kid to perform better, then this is a good example of permissive parents.
The family is all about the kid
This is another example of this type of parenting. In some families, everything revolves around the child. Parents usually praise the child and don’t even think that there are other issues that should be solved away from this approach.
Parents never say no to their children
Permissive parent will always look for other ways of destructing the child from what they are doing apart from just telling them no. As I had already stated above, the parent will try by all means to avoid direct confrontations with their children.
No structured family schedule
In some other regards, you will notice that the family doesn’t have a structured schedule. Before you get convinced that this is normal, consider the negative effects of this parenting model.
Permissive parenting pros and cons
With all the negative being said about this parenting model, do you at all cost think that this model has any positive effects to the society? In my humble opinion, there are some advantages of this model.
- Both parent and the children have a say-In this family, communication is two-way traffic and it will give your children enough time to speak their minds.
- Higher self esteem-Children know that their parents will love them unconditionally. For this reason, their self-esteem is always at the top of the notch.
- Children are creative-When parents leave the decision making part of their responsibility to their children, they encourage them to be creative. They have a chance to develop their skills and spark their hobbies.
- No conflicts at home-When parents avoid direct confrontations with their teenage daughter or son, then at least the conflict at home is minimized or eliminated entirely. There’s not even a single day that they will fight.
Although we have seen some of the positive effects of this parenting model, I believe that there are some negative effects. As a matter of fact, its negative effects outweigh the cons.
- Children may have a hard time speaking their problems out and instead internalize them.
- No boundaries-Parents don’t establish any boundaries between them and their children.
- These children may never understand the concept of respect.
Benefits of Permissive parenting
Permissive parenting has some benefits. Although most of the people only look at the disadvantages of this parenting model, I believe that it can benefit the family in a way. However, I believe that while a parent is not over-reactive or over controlling, it gives the children a room to think about their own future. The children will know that they have their own life and their parents will not be responsible for their mistakes.
Parents will also have a nice time. They will save a lot of time from parenting. They don’t have to follow every move of their child because sometimes it can be overwhelming and tiring.
There are four types of parenting and even if Permissive parenting is not the best of all, there are some of the situations where it excels in. what this means is that it should have some limits. We don’t have to enforce rules and guide confine children in a confined circle while we can give them time to deal with their own life. At the same time, we don’t have to let them abuse the powers and freedom. This may get them into trouble.